On October 20, I didn't know what an exciting, emotional, fun-filled day was ahead when I woke up that morning and my feet hit the ground! I had been having some pretty major contractions the night before, enough to start timing them and making me stop and take note of what was happening, but as I've done with so many other things in life, I tried to have the power of positive thinking work in my favor to slow things down and hope that it wasn't real, while still paying attention because if they were real, and started to become as intense as quickly as they did for this little man's big sister, then I needed to be on my way to the hospital, stat!
The need for the power of positive thinking began back in the middle of September. Phil and I had talked about having one last date night before this little one arrived and thought it would be fun to go downtown for a show or special dinner. I started looking up tickets on Ticketmaster and while I didn't find any good shows that we were interested in seeing the beginning of October (since we didn't want to push it too close the the c-section scheduled date of October 29), I did find tickets to "Disney Live: Pirates and Princesses," a show all about Sofia the First and Jake and the Neverland Pirates, John and Emma's absolute favorite shows! I was almost giddy when I saw they were coming to the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul in October, but then I noticed the date, October 20, and my heart sank. My instant thought was that it was pushing the date for Kieran's arrival and what if we purchased tickets and then I went early? After talking to Phil about it, he and I both agreed that we should be fine, since that was a whole 9 days before our scheduled c-section, which was already a week ahead of our due date of Nov. 5. We also joked that it was pathetic that we gave up a date night for the two of us to go to a Disney show as a family, but we both knew that the kids would be thrilled and the look of surprise and excitement on their faces when we told them where we driving to that day would be well worth it. Now, I just had to make sure this little one cooperated so I could be there!
For a few weeks prior to the show I had already dropped, was having some contractions and Kieran felt like he could fall out on his head at any moment, which I knew was impossible, but it was apparent that he was low! People at work were telling me that they thought I was going to go early and my response was always that I could NOT go before 4 pm on the 20th, since we had show tickets that I was NOT going to miss!
On Sunday morning, the 20th, I had some contractions, but nothing that was far worse than the night before, so we got up, packed our picnic lunch to eat on the way to the show and got ready to head to church at St. Hubert's. During church my contractions were pretty stable, but after church they started to pick up a little and I definitely was taking note of when they came and went. As we started to drive, we asked the kids if they would like to go and see Jake and Sofia and with surprised looks on their faces, they both excitedly said "YES!" At this point, I was sure that this little man was going to cooperate and I was going to be able to go and enjoy the show, since by this time, we were only an hour until it started and about 3 hours, we estimated, until it was done. All could be calm for that time, right? Well, I started to time my contractions on the way to the show at the Xcel and they were about 12 minutes apart. By the time we arrived 30 minutes later, they were 10 - 12 minutes apart. Oh, crud, was my only thought! I had to hold out!! I was concerned that John and Emma were going to start their life with a little brother upset at him that he made them miss part of the show! I wasn't going to allow that and really, we were only 10 minutes from the hospital, right? I rationalized with myself that we were closer there than we were at our house, so all would be fine! (However, in the back of my mind was also the nagging and scary thoughts of how fast I went with Emma and how she was almost born in the car on the way to hospital (and was literally out within about 25 minutes of arriving at the hospital!) That was a little too close for comfort and NO ONE wanted that to happen again!
Once we were in our seats, the kids were ready for the show to begin and so was I! I was hopeful that sitting calmly would slow everything down and that the contractions were coming closer because I had been active all morning, but that wasn't the case!
All ready for the show to begin!
As we watched the show, I pulled out my phone and started timing contractions. During the first half of the show, they progressed to 7-10 minutes and by intermission, they were about 5-7 minutes apart. This was not headed in the direction that we wanted it to be going at this point in the day! Two hours later would have been great, but at this point, I had the whole Jake portion of the show yet to watch! Sadly, I did not enjoy the show as much as I would have hoped, but I was still able to see the looks of excitement and amazement on John and Emma's faces, so it was worth every breath, click on my contraction app and prayer that all would hold out until the show was done!
By the last quarter of the show, we had text Matt and Beth, as well as my parents, to say we were going to head straight to the hospital after the show, as they were consistently 4-5 minutes apart and while the contractions weren't super painful this time, I was getting extremely nauseous with them, which was a clear sign that things were progressing and quickly. Our hope had been that I wouldn't have any labor this time around, especially since we were having a scheduled c-section, but once again, that wasn't proving to be true, so my hope now was that I wouldn't go through a full labor as I did with Emma! As soon as the show was over, we got to the car, I called the doctor and she was ready for my arrival and we headed to the hospital. Matt and Beth lived only a few minutes away, so that was perfect timing so they could meet us and be with the kids until my parents could get there. Bob and Joan were on their way back from up north, so we knew they would arrive later that evening, but at that point, we had a pretty good hunch it would be after Kieran had arrived.
When we arrived at the hospital, we went into triage and they hooked me up to the monitors and saw that my contractions were about 3 minutes apart. They confirmed that we would be meeting Kieran in about an hour and a half, or by 5:30pm, as they would start to put in the orders for the anesthesiologist, nurses, OR, etc. As excited and ready as I was to finally meet him, my heart was sad to never feel those amazing and precious kicks, stirs and movements from within again. Once my IV was in and my prep was done, Phil brought John and Emma into triage to see me for a few minutes before they were going to bring me to the OR. They couldn't wait to meet their new little brother and were so patient (and physically exhausted) after a fun and busy day.
Finally, it was time to go to the OR, which I was happy about as my contractions were getting closer together and I was getting even more nauseous. I walked to the OR this time though and once my spinal was in, it seemed like only a few minutes later when we had our first glimpse of our precious new baby boy. The doctor, nurse and nurse anesthetist all commented on what a big boy he was, but when they weighed him, found he was only 7 lbs, 14 oz. They were shocked, but he was one healthy little guy and we were SO happy to finally be able to snuggle and kiss him! Phil and I joked that he was going to be a great listener, since he had already listened and waited until after 4pm to be born!
Kieran James
5:22 pm
7 lbs 14 oz
20 1/4 inches long
He found his thumb!
Because it was getting later in the evening and the kids were exhausted after our busy day, they came into recovery to see me and meet Kieran before heading home with my parents. They were the proudest big brother and big sister!
Checking out his tiny toes...
First bath...
All snuggled and warm and finally in our room for the night! I was more than a little exhausted after our exciting day!
Over the next few days in the hospital, Phil and the kids came to visit and enjoyed snuggles with both of us. I missed being at home with them, but our time in the hospital passed quickly. This time, unlike the others, I was in the hospital by myself, as Phil and I had talked and said I would rather have him work and then come and visit, so he would be able to be at home with all of us for my first week at home, rather than taking his days to sit in the hospital with me. He sadly agreed, as he said it was going to be odd to be at work when I was in the hospital with a new baby. It helped though that this time, I had an amazing nurse, Pam, each night to help me with Kieran. Because he was a c-section, he hadn't had the natural birth process to push the fluid out of his lungs, so he had a little of the gagging/choking episodes that I guess is fairly common with newborns who have been delivered via c-section. At first, we weren't familiar with it, as Emma hadn't had any (which could have been due to the fact that she was well into the natural process and they had to help her backtrack!), but it certainly unnerved me to try and suction his mouth out while he was somewhat choking, but Pam was there to reassure me that all was fine and that within a day or so, it would be cleared out. She was amazing support for me in the hospital when Phil wasn't able to be there, and I feel so blessed to have been assigned to her each night!
The kids' first visit with Kieran the day after he was born!
Snuggles with Uncle Steve and Aunt Katie!
So tiny in his hospital bed!
John loved snuggling with Kieran on his chest and having Kieran curl up on him! Such a good big brother!
On Wednesday, October 23, it looked like I was going to be able to go home a day earlier than they had planned because everything was going so well. I was feeling great and Kieran was doing well too. However, I had this nagging feeling something wasn't quite right on a little part of my incision. It was oozing a bit and after having an infection after having Emma, and just complications overall with healing, I really hoped all was fine, but wanted them to check it one more time before I went home. The day before, they had removed a steri-strip and thought that it was just caught funny, but that it would be fine. However, on Wednesday, the Resident came in and checked and said she thought it would be fine, but would have the doctor come and check it one more time before discharge. At this point, I had text Phil at work saying we were going to be discharged and that Kieran's papers were already ready to go pending my release, but it looked like that would be happening in a few minutes, so to get somewhat ready for the call to leave work and come. He was ready to come at any point, as he couldn't wait for us to get home, and I was loving that we were going to be able to surprise the kids with my being home a night earlier than they thought!
Well, within 20 minutes, I went from "You look like you're ready to go home!" to "We're going to have to open your incision again to check for blood clots and you'll have to stay at least one more night so we can watch how things progress."
Excitement balloon.....DEFLATED.....
I.Was.Devastated!
As my emotions were running high and my hormones were off the charts, I tried to remind myself that I wanted them to check that all was ok and that I REALLY didn't want to get home, find something wrong in a day or two and then have to be readmitted to the hospital, but this time, they would put me on a medical floor, rather than postpartum where I belonged. Nope, it was now or never, so my Irish, stubborn, the glass-is-always-half-full personality came through and with a pleasant, yet sad expression on my face, I replied that the doctor should do whatever she needed to do so I could start the road to recovery and heal, no matter what that meant.
So, within a few minutes, the supplies were gathered and she started to open a small portion of my incision, right around the questionable oozing. It was lucky that she did because there were blood clots under my incision and it quickly became apparent that she was going to need to open more to ensure that she was able to get it all out. Luckily I had just finished nursing Kieran, so I knew he would be fine for awhile, but I was still snuggling with him and asked one of the nurses that was in my room to take him, since I feared I might squish him in trying to brace myself against the pain. It sounded like this was an extremely rare thing to happen, since there were many nurses that came in to check it/me out that afternoon! I guess I always have been one of the "lucky" 1% in medical occurrences, but somehow that never transfers over to the lottery!
So, after about 30 minutes, another Percocet for the pain and willpower with positive thinking to not completely break down and cry, my incision was reopened, flushed out and packed to heal from the inside out. Once that "excitement" was over, I tried to relax to allow the pain meds to work, called my mom to say that I wouldn't be coming home tonight so it would be great if they would still plan on coming in to see us at the hospital and then called Phil to share the same depressing news. It was nice to see the kids that night, and I did my best to put on a happy face and enjoy my time with them, since they didn't know about the happenings of the day or that my surprise for them fell through, but once it came time to say good-bye to them again, I really started to struggle. Being the intuitive mom that she is, my mom could see the frustration, sadness and physical pain that had built up from the day and suggested that it was time to go and that Phil and Grandpa could take the kids down to the car after good-byes were said. I was thankful for the few minutes of emotional/hormonal let-down with her, got my tears out and then tried to regain composure before a random nurse came in and thought something major was wrong (and I didn't want to explain that exhaustion, hormones, disappointment, physical pain and overall hurdles in the healing process were just too much for me to all handle gracefully and that I just needed 15 minutes to cry and then pull it together again)! Don't worry, though, I did tell Pam about it later that night and how I had a little breakdown with my mom and she commented that it was certainly warranted and that she was impressed I had held it together as well as I had all day!
Well, within 20 minutes, I went from "You look like you're ready to go home!" to "We're going to have to open your incision again to check for blood clots and you'll have to stay at least one more night so we can watch how things progress."
Excitement balloon.....DEFLATED.....
I.Was.Devastated!
As my emotions were running high and my hormones were off the charts, I tried to remind myself that I wanted them to check that all was ok and that I REALLY didn't want to get home, find something wrong in a day or two and then have to be readmitted to the hospital, but this time, they would put me on a medical floor, rather than postpartum where I belonged. Nope, it was now or never, so my Irish, stubborn, the glass-is-always-half-full personality came through and with a pleasant, yet sad expression on my face, I replied that the doctor should do whatever she needed to do so I could start the road to recovery and heal, no matter what that meant.
So, within a few minutes, the supplies were gathered and she started to open a small portion of my incision, right around the questionable oozing. It was lucky that she did because there were blood clots under my incision and it quickly became apparent that she was going to need to open more to ensure that she was able to get it all out. Luckily I had just finished nursing Kieran, so I knew he would be fine for awhile, but I was still snuggling with him and asked one of the nurses that was in my room to take him, since I feared I might squish him in trying to brace myself against the pain. It sounded like this was an extremely rare thing to happen, since there were many nurses that came in to check it/me out that afternoon! I guess I always have been one of the "lucky" 1% in medical occurrences, but somehow that never transfers over to the lottery!
So, after about 30 minutes, another Percocet for the pain and willpower with positive thinking to not completely break down and cry, my incision was reopened, flushed out and packed to heal from the inside out. Once that "excitement" was over, I tried to relax to allow the pain meds to work, called my mom to say that I wouldn't be coming home tonight so it would be great if they would still plan on coming in to see us at the hospital and then called Phil to share the same depressing news. It was nice to see the kids that night, and I did my best to put on a happy face and enjoy my time with them, since they didn't know about the happenings of the day or that my surprise for them fell through, but once it came time to say good-bye to them again, I really started to struggle. Being the intuitive mom that she is, my mom could see the frustration, sadness and physical pain that had built up from the day and suggested that it was time to go and that Phil and Grandpa could take the kids down to the car after good-byes were said. I was thankful for the few minutes of emotional/hormonal let-down with her, got my tears out and then tried to regain composure before a random nurse came in and thought something major was wrong (and I didn't want to explain that exhaustion, hormones, disappointment, physical pain and overall hurdles in the healing process were just too much for me to all handle gracefully and that I just needed 15 minutes to cry and then pull it together again)! Don't worry, though, I did tell Pam about it later that night and how I had a little breakdown with my mom and she commented that it was certainly warranted and that she was impressed I had held it together as well as I had all day!
Thursday, October 24 was a better day! Since I was starting to heal and the doctor was impressed with my "wound," she said I could go home, as long as I had twice-a-day wound care for the next week and then follow-up visits in the office (which would continue for the next 8 weeks we would later come to find out because of my lack of healing!). When she went through the procedure of what would need to be done, I said that I thought my husband could do it, rather than trying to coordinate for a home health care nurse. She asked if he was in the medical profession and I commented that he was an Assistant Principal, but that after his Colectomy and take-down surgeries, we both had more medical experience than we had ever bargained for!! She agreed and once again, Phil put his vows to work and took care of me without question or qualm!
So, by mid-afternoon, the papers were done, the meds were ready and we were off!
We're on our way home!
We're home!
Kieran is so tiny in such a big bouncer!
That night, after having dinner with my parents and the kids, we had one of the most precious moments. It made my heart melt to hear John and Emma's excitement about having Kieran home and how they both wanted and needed to snuggle him before bed. They both loved to rock and knew he would too, so they climbed into the rocking chair and couldn't wait to hold him. Their looks of wonder and amazement at our new addition were incredible!
Now we were ready to settle into the whirlwind of life as a family of FIVE!
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